[TA] Currently Have "Eye of the Tiger" on Repeat

Thanks to my impeccable taste in Korean music and Apple's genius iPhone function that lets me use my music as my alarm clock, I practically boogie out of bed every morning.  I do-wop past the full length mirror in my bedroom, pausing briefly to point saucily at my reflection, greeting the magnificent beast in front of me with a slightly groggy "how you doiiiiiiiin'?"
I swat the shower handle so it lands on the coldest setting and proceed to tempt my eyes open, reminding my pupils that they get to witness the world from the perspective of the radical teen that is me, Hannah Reynolds.  I ditch my Egyptian cotton pajamas and step into the icy shower, dunking my head under the stream of devil's tears that causes my scalp to throb in pain.  If you think this sounds bad, you clearly have no idea how much I put myself through to keep this hair as pink as my aura.  When my locks are thoroughly shampooed and conditioned and the shower floor looks like the site of a murder scene due to the pink dye, I pop on a shower cap and switch the water to the hot setting.  A hot shower loosens my muscles in preparation for the high-stress day ahead.  

I dress myself in H&M sweats and tie my hair back into the perkiest of pony tails.  I neglect to put on shoes.  Footwear is for the weak.  

I set out on my three-mile jog, drudging through a foot of snow.  It was painful at first, but I'm used to the snow since I jog in it all year round.  I run to City Hall, which has a grand total of 647 stairs from the ground level to the first floor entrance.  I hop up the first 200 stairs with ease.  The next 200 stairs have me reciting workout tips from my personal trainer, Hercules, as inspiration.  The next 200 really start to hit me.  I remind myself that a well-trained body makes a well-trained brain, and a well-trained brain means a 5 on EVERY AP EXAM.  This mentality causes my heels to grow mini rockets, propelling me toward the top of the stairs with ungodly speed.  As I reach the top, I take a quick moment to thank based god Rocky Balboa for letting me copy his famous movie scene in my blog post, then proceed to write a practice synthesis essay.  Once I'm sure it's worthy of an 8 (if not a 9), I glance at the clock on City Hall to see that I have 5 minutes to spare, which I fill by doing squat thrusts.  

I then jog home, uphill, and recite every rhetorical device and three examples for each.  After doing this everyday from November to May 12, I will consider myself "pumped up" for the AP Lang exam.

In reality, I'm making flashcards for all of the rhetorical devices and telling myself that I'm a decent enough writer to do fine on the essays.  My results on practice tests tend to be pretty encouraging.  If I can be awake enough on the morning of the AP Lang exam, I'm sure I'll live to see my birthday (the next day).